At 19, I was in the middle of study week during my first semester of law school, working 30 hours a week at Countdown, and trying to study through Aotearoa’s Level 3 COVID lockdown — Everything shifted in an instant when I found out I was pregnant.
I’d worked so hard to get into law school. I had a plan. I thought I knew what my life would look like, and suddenly I didn’t. All I could see was uncertainty, judgement, and a long list of things I thought I’d never be able to do now.
Looking back, I wish I could sit next to that version of me, hand her a Milo and say:
“It’s going to be hard. But it’s not the end. It’s the beginning of something different and something powerful.”
So, here’s what I wish I’d known.
You don’t need to have it all together to keep going.
There were so many days where I felt like I was barely holding things together — academically, emotionally, financially. I thought I had to be superwoman to deserve my spot in uni, or in law, or even as a mum.
But the truth is: messy progress is still progress. Showing up tired, scared, overwhelmed — it still counts.
You’re allowed to ask for help.
I was too proud, too ashamed, and too scared to lean on anyone in the early days. I didn’t want to be the “young single mum” stereotype. But going it alone when you don’t have to? That’s not strength — that’s survival mode on repeat.
I learned (eventually) that asking for help isn’t weak. It’s smart. It’s human. And it’s what got me through.
It’s okay to lose people along the way.
Pregnancy changed my relationships — with friends, with family, with my partner. Some people drifted. Some ran. Some just didn’t know what to say.
It hurt. But it also made space for the right people — the ones who could sit with me in the mess, celebrate the little wins, and remind me who I was when I forgot.
Being a mum will teach you more than any degree ever could.
Time management? Communication? Prioritising under pressure? Try writing a 3,000-word paper on three hours of broken sleep while your toddler paints the couch with weetbix.
I used to feel embarrassed when I brought my “mum brain” into academic or professional spaces. Now, I realise how much strength and skill motherhood gave me. And no, that shouldn’t have to be hidden or downplayed.
You are not your circumstances.
Just because something is hard doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.
Being pregnant at 19 doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
Struggling doesn’t make you any less worthy of being here — in law school, in a courtroom, in government, in any space you’re trying to build a future in.
If you’re in the middle of it…
If you’re a young mum, a solo parent, a student wondering if it’s all too much — I see you.
You’re not alone. You’re not failing. You’re not falling behind.
You’re doing something brave. Something big. Something that might not look like success on paper right now, but one day it will. And in the meantime — survival is success.
I made it through law school. I’m raising a beautiful, bold little boy. I’m working in a field I care about. And I’m still learning, still healing, still figuring it out — just like everyone else.
If I could go back and tell my 19-year-old self just one thing, it would be this:
You’ve got this. Not because it’s easy — but because it’s yours.
— Meighan | Legally Mum
Legally Mum 
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